First thing’s first – if you haven’t checked out our fantasy booking of the 2017 Royal Rumble yet, do so now, and then return once you’re caught up.
Good to go? Well then, let’s talk about WrestleMania 33. Rumors are already flying in regards to a few high profile matches that could possibly take place in Orlando on April 2nd, 2017. The first of which involves “The World’s Largest Athlete,” The Big Show, taking on NBA legend Shaquille O’Neal. As a wrestling purist, I simply do not care to see this match, nor can I find the time to fit it on an extremely crowded card that will more than likely be the biggest WrestleMania in terms of length of time that we’ve ever seen. I also did not use Shane McMahon, Triple H, or The Rock on this card. All four men can, of course, have some part in the show, but they are simply not needed in regards to wrestling a match.
Finally, I really tried to focus on building around the current roster and setting up the guys and girls who are here every week for success going forward. The guys and girls that are not regulars are being used in a way that builds the new generation of talent up, allowing them to carry WrestleMania 34 without any help from the heroes of our past. My goal here was to get all of the guys and girls on the card because they all deserve to be rewarded for their hard work while giving everything meaning and purpose. There is not a match on the card that isn’t significant.
WrestleMania 33. Orlando, Florida. Let’s do this.
Women’s Battle Royal
Winner Gets a Shot at their Brand’s Women’s Championship
The Setup: As previously stated, I want everyone to have a spot on the card, and a battle royal is the best way to get the girls who are not in championship matches on the show. However, I wanted this match to mean something, so the winner will receive a championship opportunity versus their respective brand’s women’s champion at their brand’s next pay-per-view. The list of participants are as follows:
- Alexa Bliss
- Alicia Fox
- Dana Brooke
- Eva Marie
- Nia Jax
- Nikki Bella
- Summer Rae
Winner: Nikki Bella
The Club (c) and The Usos (c) vs. Enzo and Cass and American Alpha
The Setup: I absolutely hate that there is not a tag team championship match on the main card, but neither tag division is truly worthy of a coveted spot right now. The Club appears to be on their way to dethroning The New Day, presumably after they break the record for the longest tag team championship reign, so we’re going to follow through with that. Since their heel turn, The Usos are one of my favorite tag teams in the WWE, so I’d throw the SmackDown Tag Team Championships on them. Finally, you have both brand’s respective tag champions taking on two really hot babyface teams in a 4-0n-4 tag team match to close out the pre-show.
Winners: Enzo and Cass and American Alpha
Rich Swann (c) vs. TJ Perkins vs. The Brian Kendrick vs. Cedric Alexander vs. Jack Gallagher vs. Akira Tozawa vs. Gran Metalik vs. Kalisto
Cruiserweight Championship 8-Man Ladder Match
The Setup: Rich Swann appears to be heading towards the Cruiserweight Championship sooner rather than later, so I’d have him walk into Orlando as the champion. A multi-man ladder match to kick off the festivities at WrestleMania is becoming a tradition that I absolutely love. The Cruiserweight division is filled with guys who would thrive in this environment, so I’m giving them the chance to show the world what they can do in a high profile WrestleMania match. This is a huge opportunity to promote the Cruiserweight division and their new show 205Live, and I know these 8 men will do everything they can to steal the show.
Winner: Rich Swann
Baron Corbin (c) vs. Dean Ambrose
Intercontinental Championship Match
The Setup: I’m a huge Baron Corbin fan and I think the WWE may have big things in store for him in 2017. I’m going to give him the spot in a championship match with one of the biggest babyfaces in the company, Dean Ambrose. Ambrose can capture the IC Title sometime after the Rumble, presumably from The Miz, setting up this title match for WrestleMania 33. This is a match that I didn’t know I wanted until I booked it, and I know the creative team on SmackDown would make this a fun and exciting feud. Corbin gets the W after he pins Ambrose via The End of Days.
Winner: Baron Corbin
Luke Harper vs. Bray Wyatt
The Setup: I’ve wanted to see a classic Street Fight, where both men fight all over the stadium, at WrestleMania for quite some time now. Last year, I had hopes that Dean Ambrose and Brock Lesnar would have a match similar to the hardcore match at WrestleMania 17 between Kane, Raven, and The Big Show, but those dreams were crushed when the two had a lackluster contest in Dallas. I’m going to play the same card that those three played at WrestleMania 17, this time with Luke Harper and Bray Wyatt. This feud starts in the Royal Rumble match, and will most likely continue after WrestleMania, but not before these two men beat the living hell out of each other all over the Citrus Bowl. Luke Harper wins via a sitout powerbomb off the stage through multiple tables.
Winner: Luke Harper
Chris Jericho (c) vs. Finn Bálor
United States Championship Match
The Setup: Finn Bálor, if healthy, seems to be the early favorite to win the 2017 Royal Rumble. However, I kept The Demon King out of the match simply because I did not want him to win, nor did I want him to lose. Chris Jericho left the Royal Rumble as WWE Universal Champion, but he did not make it to Orlando with that same championship (more to come later). He does walk into WrestleMania 33 carrying gold: The United States Championship. He obtains this after defeating Roman Reigns on an episode of Raw via shenanigans involving Roman Reigns’ WrestleMania opponent (also more to come later). Chris Jericho is the perfect opponent for Finn Bálor, he’ll make him look like a star in the ring and on the microphone. Jericho is the perfect guy to make this feud work and deliver a match worthy of the WrestleMania stage with Bálor. Finn Bálor wins his very first Mania match and captures the United States Championship via the Coup de Grâce.
Winner: Finn Bálor
The 4th Annual Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal
The Setup: This match, similar to the opening multi-man ladder match, is another new WrestleMania tradition that I absolutely love. The majority of the contestants will come down to the ring together; however, unlike years past, this match has quite a few big names who will receive individual entrances. Those contestants are:
- Aiden English
- Apollo Crews
- Big Show
- Bo Dallas
- Braun Strowman
- Curt Hawkins
- Curtis Axel
- Darren Young
- Eric Rowan
- Heath Slater
- Jack Swagger
- Jinder Mahal
- Mark Henry
- Mojo Rawley
- Simon Gotch
- Sin Cara
- Titus O’Neil
- Tyler Breeze
- Zach Ryder
The contestants in this match who have their own unique entrance include:
- Dolph Ziggler
- Kofi Kingston (Representing The New Day)
- Kevin Owens
- Randy Orton
- Sami Zayn
- The Miz
Similar to what I did for the women’s battle royal from the pre-show, I’m giving the winner an opportunity for their brand’s world (or universal) championship. This championship match will not occur at the next pay-per-view but at the very next night of either Raw or SmackDown. After years of stealing the show during this type of match, the winner is New Day member, Kofi Kingston.
Winner: Kofi Kingston
Asuka (c) vs. Becky Lynch
SmackDown Women’s Championship
The Setup: Before any of this, I’d have Asuka drop her NXT Women’s Championship to Ember Moon at the NXT TakeOver special in San Antonio during Royal Rumble weekend. The following Tuesday, I’d air a vignette hyping her debut on SmackDown Live later that night. Asuka would then squash some local competitors for a few weeks before finally working her way up the ranks, eventually getting a shot at Becky Lynch’s title on an episode of SmackDown Live. After defeating Becky Lynch, “injuring” her in the process, the re-match is booked for WrestleMania. Despite a valiant effort, Becky Lynch fails to recapture the SmackDown Women’s Championship, tapping out to the Asuka Lock in the middle of the ring.
AJ Styles (c) vs. Samoa Joe
WWE Championship Match
The Setup: As I’m writing this, Samoa Joe has just recaptured the NXT Championship from Shinsuke Nakamura at NXT TakeOver: Toronto. We appear to be heading toward a rematch for the NXT Championship at the NXT TakeOver special set to take place during the weekend of the Royal Rumble. I would have Shinsuke Nakamura recapture the NXT Championship from Samoa Joe and, in similar fashion to Asuka, Joe would debut on SmackDown Live the following Tuesday. After a feud with Kane introduces Joe to members of the WWE Universe who may be unfamiliar with his work, SmackDown Live General Manager Daniel Bryan announces a tournament to determine who will challenge AJ Styles for the WWE World Championship at WrestleMania 33. Samoa Joe wins the tournament, setting up this match for the show of shows. Samoa Joe wins what would no doubt be a classic match via the Coquina Clutch.
Winner: Samoa Joe
Sasha Banks (c) vs. Bayley vs. Charlotte Flair
Raw Women’s Championship
The Setup: These three have carried the Raw women’s division since the brand split, and this triple threat match is the best that Raw can produce for their women at WrestleMania 33. If you recall, I reversed the Hell in a Cell finish that resulted in Sasha Banks losing the Raw Women’s Championship to Charlotte Flair. This led to a title match between Sasha Banks and Bayley at the Royal Rumble, which ended in Sasha Banks’ retain. The Boss retains again tonight, but not before a controversial finish: Bayley hits the Bayley-to-Belly Suplex on Charlotte, but Sasha Banks tosses Bayley to the outside and pins Charlotte for the victory. The main goal here is to continue to build Bayley as a resilient underdog, so when she finally captures the gold, it’s a really big moment.
Winner: Sasha Banks
Goldberg vs. Roman Reigns
The Setup: I’ve said on Twitter that the only match I would love to see Goldberg come back for is one with Roman Reigns. The two are somewhat similar in style, with Reigns being the better worker of the two, while Goldberg is the more charismatic and bigger fan favorite. I’m not quite sure how this feud gets started (someone tweet us with an idea (@TheRumbleRamble) and maybe we’ll go with that), but I do know that this match is one that I want to see. This feud gets personal after Goldberg costs Roman Reigns his United States Championship in a match with Chris Jericho on Raw. The bad blood leads to this showdown at the Citrus Bowl, where Roman Reigns walks away victorious via the Spear.
Winner: Roman Reigns
Seth Rollins (c) vs. Brock Lesnar
Universal Championship Match
The Setup: If you recall, Brock Lesnar walked away from the Alamodome the winner of the 2017 Royal Rumble. At the time, it looked like we may have been headed towards Brock Lesnar vs. Chris Jericho for the Universal Championship at WrestleMania 33. This theory was derailed in the Elimination Chamber when Seth Rollins captured the Universal Championship from Chris Jericho by defeating five other men in one of the most unforgiving structures in WWE. Two of the final four men in the Royal Rumble were Brock Lesnar and Seth Rollins, and they pick up right where they left off. The WWE needs a babyface to carry the company in 2017, and I think Seth Rollins can be that guy. He’s big enough that a showdown with Lesnar is believable, but also athletic enough to work a style that is exciting and modern. Rollins wins, retaining his WWE Championship and conquering The Beast at WrestleMania.
Winner: Seth Rollins
John Cena vs. The Undertaker
The Last Ride
The Setup: We’ve been saying this for years, but I personally believe this is the last ride for The Undertaker, making this match deserving of the main event. After headlining the Hall of Fame class earlier in the weekend, The Undertaker defeats John Cena via the Tombstone Piledriver. The nights ends with The Undertaker leaving his hat on the ring post and walking to the back to a standing ovation from the crowd.
Winner: The Undertaker
This is no doubt going to be a long night, and there may be roster moves that completely change the landscape of this card, but right now, this is the best (realistic) card that I can book five months from bell-time. I think this would be one hell of a show, albeit a long one. The WWE has a ton of talent right now, so a lot of competitors were placed in spots that may seem lower on the card, but everything and everyone involved has a purpose. As The Road to WrestleMania 33 quickly approaches, I can’t wait to see what WWE has in store for us. No matter what happens, it’s going to be an interesting and exciting time to be a wrestling fan.